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HOLLYWOOD, CA — Streaming service Peacock announced the release this week of a documentary that proves eating your own offspring is completely fine for humans because a few other animal species do it. "We just want to show how normal and natural it is to consume your own progeny," Peacock Producer Anna Grazer told the press. "Something like seven animal species on earth murder and eat their own kids, so humans shouldn't feel ashamed if they have a preference towards the same." Peacock producers have hyped the documentary as being completely revolutionary for human understanding of what behaviors are acceptable....

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Libertarian Party has concluded its convention and nominated its latest presidential candidate: a 20-foot-tall, rainbow-colored, glass bong. The gay, oversized marijuana smoking device edged out candidates RFK Jr., Donald Trump, and Sparklepaws the Transgender Furry to secure the coveted nomination to run for President this November. "Never has the Libertarian Party chosen a candidate that better represents its values, ambitions, and intellect," said Party Chair Angela McArdle while tripping on the complimentary edibles that were passed out at the convention. "I think it's even possible our beautiful glass candidate could secure up to .03% of the...

Citizen Free Press @CitizenFreePres New creation from the Dilley Meme Team. Biden prepares for the debates. 1:51 VIDEO AT LINK....................

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former President Trump made a surprise appearance at the Libertarian Party Convention yesterday, but was met with a chorus of boos after the dozens of libertarians present realized Trump was wearing deodorant. "Boo! He smells good! Boo!" screamed Libertarian Party member Johnna Lundqvist. "It's very pleasant smelling, and I don't like it! Boooo!" According to sources, Trump's speech got off to a rocky start when he mentioned the revolutionary concept of winning elections. "Winning elections? Boo!!" yelled libertarian Donald McAdoo along with tens of others. "Look, look, he's wearing a suit! His hair looks well-kept! Boooo!!!"...

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This man was in an accident and was required to fill out an insurance claim form. The insurance company asked for additional information. In reply he said the following: "I am writing in response to your request for additional information for Block 3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of the accident. You stated in your letter that I should explain more fully. I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of my accident I was working alone on the top of my new, 80-foot...

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered." "I think librarians are the easiest," said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered." The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their behind are interchangeable."

Times are tough at Disney subsidiaries, with even the one-time animation powerhouse Pixar being forced to make significant layoffs. With so much happening, knowing just which positions are being done away with can be helpful. The Babylon Bee has obtained the inside scoop and put together the following list of jobs being eliminated at Pixar: 1. Assistant Grooming Director: Though the lead Grooming Director still has a job, he will now have to groom without an assistant. 2. Gay Cartoon Intimacy Coordinator: In charge of overseeing all gay cartoon love scenes. 3. Senior Lame Narrative Developer: This was the person...

South Park has taken aim at Lizzo as the animated series unrelentingly mocked Lizzo in an episode centered around celebrity use of Ozempic. The newly released episode is titled 'the end of obesity' and was released this week just as it was revealed what weight loss drug Scott Disick is on. The 36-year-old singer - born Melissa Viviane Jefferson - was lampooned on the long running mature animated series. In the special episode, fan favorite Eric Cartman - whose comedy comes from his size - goes to the doctor's office in hopes of scoring Ozempic amid the weight-loss craze. However,...

It's a religion. Always was. X link. "“George Floyd died for each and every one of us. He was God’s chosen vessel.” Things get weird at ASU as they unveil an exhibit in Floyd’s memory." Oh Praise Thee, Most Holy Floyd, Patron Saint of Fentanyl! X links. ..... As it is written in the Holy Book of Floyd: "He was knelt on for our transgressions, he was handcuffed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his overdose we are healed."

WASHINGTON, DC — Democrats assured the American people this week there's no way people who entered the country illegally would ever engage in other illegal activities like, say, voting. "Nope, these guys are just ‘one and done' law-breakers," Representative Jamaal Bowman told the press. "There's no way they'd ever try to do anything else illegal like voting in an election. And anyway, our elections are air-tight. There's absolutely no way to vote illegally, except for the 30 ways I can think of right now off the top of my head…" Democrats have railed against Republicans in recent weeks after prominent...

Have you ever made fun of a Chinese accent by going "Ching chong ching!" Or an Arabic accent going "Durka Durka Mohammed jihad!" Well, this is what it sounds like when they do the same! Some funny replies: "I can understand him better than Biden!" "This guy just sold me a Ford F150!"

Black Americans Now Making Videos Showcasing How Insane & Racist Democrats Are This is in response to Democrat Governor of New York, Kathy Hochul: “Young black kids growing up in the Bronx who don’t even know what the word ‘computer’ is”

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Jasmine Crockett blocks Terrence K. Williams for this...

This opossum had a big day at LAX! The little critter didn't quite make his way through TSA though, eventually getting nabbed by animal control. All's well that ends well, however ... we were told he would be released in a local park!

The strange saga of the Taco Bell art heist. It all began in 2015 in Westlake, Ohio, when a burglar ran off with one of his pieces and disappeared, stumping local police Though Taco Bell purchased the originals for their corporate offices in 2003, he explained, the prints have scattered like seeds in the underground art market, where they’re now listed for sale for as much as $10,000 apiece. Unsurprisingly, it seems like employees are in on it.

NEW YORK, NY — In what analysts have labeled a shocking turn of events, a district attorney whose career had been funded by global powerbroker George Soros declined to prosecute a group of violent university campus protesters who had also been funded by global powerbroker George Soros. The surprising development came unexpectedly following college campus protests in various places across the country, with district attorneys strangely choosing to not prosecute lawbreakers who had been financed by the same person who had put the district attorneys themselves in office. "I have chosen to not pursue charges," said New York District Attorney...

A strong message to the US Government from Gen Z. This will leave you quivering in fear.